


Hawaiian Twins

by WindChimeGhost



Category: The Matrix (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Gen, Hawaii, Humor, Sillyfic, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-19
Updated: 2003-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-16 02:31:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2252568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindChimeGhost/pseuds/WindChimeGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Merovingian sends the Twins on a trip to Hawaii. All looks good until an array of bad, yet hilarious, events happen that turn the Twins’ trip into a trip of horror.</p><p> <br/><strong>~ This fanfic has been discontinued ~</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Trip Begins

**Author's Note:**

> ~ Critique not desired ~
> 
>   **This is a discontinued fanfic that will not be updated again. It remains as it is.**
> 
> THIS FANFIC IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! It was originally written for fun and to vent silliness. With that being said, I would appreciate that you would keep all flames and/or bashing to yourself. No, I did not write this to make fun of the Twins or The Matrix movies. Being a huge fan of both, I would never think of doing something like that. It's a crackfic. That's all it is. So if you don’t like it, hit your back button.
> 
> I must confess that this fanfic is a bit embarrassing to me now. But I thought I would go ahead and upload it on here anyway. For anyone who might find it amusing and get a good laugh out of it. Please be aware that this fanfic is old, it’s crazy, and I have NO plans of continuing it. It is as it is.
> 
> An old friend of mine (a friend that I’ve lost touch with over the years) came up with the idea for this story, and I volunteered to write it. From what I remember, she wanted me to make it funny. So I did. Even though I don’t talk with this friend anymore (I have no idea if she’s even still on the Internet anywhere), I still felt that I needed to give her credit for part of this. I think she was originally going to write it herself, but I somehow ended up doing it instead.
> 
>  
> 
> The Matrix and all related characters © Wachowski brothers / Warner Brothers
> 
> Fanfic and plot ©2003 by me (please do not take, use, or edit without my permission)

Twin Two sat huddled next to the window, his arms crossed over his chest, pouting. Twin One sat beside him, his left leg crossed over his right, and calmly flipping through a magazine. It was obvious that the two had been in another one of their brother arguments, One being the winner.

“One” Two calmly and softly began.

“No! I told you to behave yourself.” One calmly but firmly said, not even bothering to look up from his magazine. “The Merovingian left me in charge so you do what I say.”

Two’s lip quivered while staring at One through his shades. He huffed and turned his head to look out the window while mumbling something about it not being fair. One sighed, rolled his eyes, and roughly turned another page. The roar of the plane engines and the chatter of the other people around them made it difficult to concentrate on reading anything. Two’s whining didn’t help matters any either. In fact One couldn’t believe what they were doing now. The Merovingian had for some weird reason sent them on a crazy trip to some place called Hawaii. Why did the Mero think that they would even want to go to some place with a weird name such as that? Where was Hawaii anyway? The Mero had given them brochures telling about the place, some of which showed photos. It didn’t look all that bad. One of the pamphlets showed a photo of a bunch of water coming up on, what was that called again? Sand? One shrugged at looking at the photo again then picked up another pamphlet that showed a picture of a woman having long black hair and dressed in a flowered necklace and a weird looking skirt. One shook his head and turned the booklet over. What was the Mero up to this time? A man’s voice suddenly rang out over the plane’s speakers announcing that they were about to take off.

A little later after the plane was in the air, Two slowly returned to his seat after nearly running over One and down the middle isle earlier.

“You ok?” One looked at Two in a concerned way as Two waited for One to move his legs to let him pass. Two silently shook his head yes. Two seated himself again and sighed. One continued to stare.

“What?” Two weakly asked.

“Nothing. You just look a little funny. That’s all.”

Two looked down at his lap.

“Plane sick?” One whispered. Two nodded his head.

 

Just then, of all times, the stewardess happened to be coming up the aisle with that evening’s meals. One breathed then glanced at Two, who looked worse than he did when he had returned. Finally the woman made her way to the Twins.

“Good evening. Since this is the ritziest Hawaiian flight, I have here a lovely list of delightful Hawaiian foods to choose from for your evening meal.” The young woman smiled. One stiffened in his seat.

“Uh, I think we’ll pass for right now.” One glanced at his brother, who weakly looked up. “Because, you see,”

“Nonsense!” the woman cut off the rest of One’s sentence. “Here would you like to sample the boiled lobster?” The woman grabbed a tray off of her cart and shoved it in front of One. His eyes bugged from behind his glasses then he shot a quick glance in Two’s direction. It was too late. Two quickly got up from his seat, his hand over his mouth, and struggled to get by One’s legs and the stewardess holding the tray. Two, half jumping over One, hit the tray with his hand, sending it and the lobster flying in the woman’s face as he sped off down the isle like he had done earlier, his silver trench coat fluttering behind him. One stared over his shoulder, down the rows of seats, then slowly turned to the shocked and stunned stewardess.

“I told you we’d pass dinner!” One said.

“Well why didn’t you tell me he’s plane sick?”

“I was going to, but you never gave me a chance! You were too into that lobster that’s now all over you.” One picked a piece of lobster off of the woman’s arm cringed then dropped it on the floor.

“Thank you. Now I have to pick it up.” The stewardess bent down and started picking up the mess.

“The rest of it is down there anyway. Why should one more piece matter?” One leaned his head against the seat.

The stewardess held her tongue as she continued to pick up the pieces of lobster scattered on the isle floor, the other passengers trying to hide their laughter at what just happened.

When the stewardess left with her cart, Two returned yet again.

“Are you going to stay here this time or do you actually enjoy running down the plane’s isle?” One moved his legs to let his brother pass by. Two only groaned as he seated himself heavily next to One.

“Whatever you do, whatever you say, please do not mention the F word.” Two weakly said. One smiled evilly to himself.

“You mean ‘Food’?”

Two groaned louder.

“I said don’t say that!” Two snapped while placing his hand on his stomach.

“Boy you sure are irritable today.” One opened up one of the Hawaiian brochures the Mero had given them and began flipping through it.

“You would be too if you felt like I do.” Two said before groaning again. Changing the subject, One held up the pamphlet having the woman wearing the funny looking skirt and flowered necklace up for Two to see.

“Do you suppose they dress like this in this place we’re going to?”

Two slowly turned his head to look at the photo. He stared for a good few minutes.

“I certainly hope not ‘cause there is no way you’re going to get me to wear something like that!” Two finally said after looking the photo over.

One snickered.

“Maybe just the women dress that way.”

“I hope that’s the case.” Two leaned back in his seat.

“They call that skirt she’s wearing a ‘hula skirt’.” One read aloud from the little booklet that told about what Hawaiian terms, phrases and words meant.

“Okay, so what does ‘hula’ mean?” Two looked up. One looked down the list of words.

“It says that it’s a type of dance that’s performed by both men and women.”

“You still aren’t going to get me into anything like that.” Two breathed.

“The flowered necklace she has on is called a ‘lei’.” One continued. “It’s made of flowers strung together.”

“What is the skirt made out of to make it look so weird?”

“It says here that it’s made out of long blades of grass.”

Two cringed.

“I wonder why the Mero gave us such idiotic looking clothes to pack in our cases.” One said, still thumbing through the guidebook.

“What do you mean?” Two looked over at One.

“You didn’t see them?”

“No.”

One thumbed through the pamphlet he held until he found what he was looking for then he handed it to Two.

“There. That’s what the clothes the Mero gave us look like.”

One pointed to a guy wearing nothing but a pair of brightly colored shorts with flowers on them and holding some kind of weird looking colored board in his hand.

“No way!” Two gasped.

“What?” One grinned.

“No way am I going to wear that!” Two handed the book back to One.

“But you know how the Mero gets mad if we don’t do what he wants.”

“I don’t care how mad he gets! I am not going to be seen wearing something like that!” Two glared at One through his shades. “It goes against everything we stand for! We’re tough, bad, rough, mean assassins. We don’t go around wearing flowered printed red boxers without anything else on!”

“I think the correct word for them would be shorts or swimming trunks.” One corrected.

“I don’t care what you call them. They still look like underpants, and I’m not going to be seen wearing just them by themselves in public!” Two crossed his arms over his chest again. One could only smile. He didn’t want to wear them either, but he enjoyed hearing Two’s anger.

“You aren’t going to wear the skirt and you aren’t going to wear the shorts. What, may I ask, are you going to wear?”

“This that I have on now!” Two ran his hands over the shiny silver trench coat and down his matching pants and smiled. One took another look at the guy in the flowered red shorts.

“Um, I think that’s a good idea. I’ll do the same.” One quickly placed the pamphlet down and shuddered at the thought of wearing something like that in public.

“What are those called?” Two asked, pointing at a couple of long torches stuck in the sand in one of the photos. One flipped through the guidebook.

“They call them,” One stopped to laugh. “Tiki torches.” He finished while snickering at the strange new word.

“And what about the board that guy was holding?”

“It’s called a surfboard.”

“What’s a surf?” Two asked, puzzled.

“Umm, it says here that surfing is, ‘The sport of riding a surfboard toward the shore on the crest of a wave’.” One looked over at Two and smirked.

“Whatever.” Two breathed while shaking his head in amazement.

Grinning, One rested his foot on the back of the seat in front of him while he continued to look at the pamphlets.

“Hey! Watch it, buddy!” a loud roaring voice suddenly startled One. In front of him was the guy in the seat he had rested his foot on. Getting so into his reading, One hadn’t realized that he had pushed the seat to the point of making it almost fold up on the guy sitting in it. Now he was looking into the red angry face of that guy.

“Oh my! I do beg your pardon, sir. I had no idea that,” One’s words were cut off when the muscular man grabbed onto his silver coat, lifting him out of his seat a little ways.

“Listen, punk, I have had a very bad week. And I’m on this plane and trip for one thing, and that one thing is peace and quiet. Understand?!”

One nodded quietly, trying not to suffocate on the guy’s bad breath.

“Sir, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but do you know what a breath mint is?” One tried to smile, but something told him he shouldn’t. The guy’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared at One’s words and the grip on his silver coat tightened.

“One more funny thing out of you and you’ll see what I’m like when I get very angry.” The man pushed his face closer to One’s and tightened his eyebrows. One forced a slight grin before the guy dropped him back down in his seat and walked back to the seat in front. One turned a puzzled face to Two, who had been calmly watching the whole thing. 

“Why didn’t you just pull your razor on that guy?” Two asked

One shrugged and settled back down in his seat, careful not to rest his boots on the seat in front of him again.


	2. Hotel Nightmare

By the time the Twins’ plane landed in the Hawaiian airport, it was night. One glanced at his watch as he waited for Two to gather up his bags and suitcases. Once Two had gathered his belongings, the two headed off toward the door. The Twins fought through the crowd of people getting off of the plane until they reached the bottom of the boarding ramp.

“Ground at last!” Two sighed.

“Here take a bag.” One handed a small silver suitcase to Two.

“Don’t you think I have enough already? Carry it yourself.” Two shuffled his bags.

One shot Two an evil look that made Two take the bag even though his hands were full.

“Where are we going from here?” Two shifted the case in his hands, trying not to drop everything.

“We’ll take a cab to the hotel. The Merovingian made all the arrangements and gave me the hotel’s name.”

“You mean he’s already got us a room?”

“Yeah. Scary isn’t it?”

Two began to wonder why the Mero sent them on this trip. He shuddered at the thought. As they made their way to the cab in front of them, a streak of lightening cut the sky above them. It looked like a good storm was coming up fast. After placing their baggage in the cab’s trunk, One told the cab driver where they wanted to go and the car sped off in that direction.

“One, a storm’s coming.” Two said, barely above a whisper.

“Now, Two, don’t start with me. I’m tired and I want to get to the hotel so we can go to sleep. If I hear one thing out of you about storms tonight I’ll,” One’s words trailed off. He wanted to say what he was thinking, but seeing the look on Two’s face he stopped himself. One sighed and folded the map he had been trying to read in the darkness of the cab and stuffed it in his coat pocket. The Twins rode in silence the rest of the way to the hotel.

“We’re here.” The cabby said. It was a ritzy hotel that made Best Western look like an old shack. The Merovingian sure didn’t mind spending money on the Twins.

“Ah, yes, the Twins.” The man wearing a black tux at the front desk flipped through the reservation book. “Here we are. Room 102. Here’s your key. Hope you have a pleasant evening.” The guy’s snooty voice and way of talking didn’t settle too well with One. He was leery of that type of people. They were the kind that usually had to have everything perfect and so-so and squealed when you sharpened your razors on the living room drapes or blasted holes in the plaster with your machine gun, even after you told them you were only trying to kill a fly. In a way, the guy reminded him of the Mero and that made it worse.

One walked over to Two sitting in one of the lobby chairs and slightly kicked his feet with the toe of his boot to get his attention. Two jumped and got up when he saw One was ready to go up to their room. Both followed the bellboy to the elevator and waited until the man got the baggage on first, then they walked in beside it all.

One stuck the key in the door and turned it, then grabbed hold of the doorknob and tried opening the door.

“Why won’t it open?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” One grunted while trying to get the door open.

“Yeah cause it’ll be the same guess.”

The bellboy stood behind them and waited patiently beside their suitcases. One hit and pushed up against the door with his shoulder and tried turning the knob as far as it would go, but whatever he did to it, it was determined not to open.

“Must be stuck.” One grumbled while looking the door over.

“Here let me try.” Two said while pushing his brother to the side. Two grasped the doorknob and gently turned it. The door opened easily. One frowned then followed Two into the room. The bellboy dragged the suitcases in behind the two.

The room was amazingly small, but big enough for the both of them. The living space and bedroom was connected together, two beds on one side which were separated by a night table in the middle, and chairs and a sofa on the other side along with a few tables. Beside the last bed was a small row of closets, which ended at a pair of sliding glass doors that opened to a balcony outside.

The bellboy stacked the suitcases in the middle of the room then held out his hand to the two twins.

“What’s he want?” One whispered to Two.

“I think we’re supposed to give him a tip.”

“Oh, okay.” One turned back to the young man. “Never sharpen your razors on the living room drapes. You can get into a lot of trouble that way. Believe me I know because I’ve tried it.”

“Sir?” the bellboy asked in puzzlement. Two jerked One over to him.

“No! Not that kind of a tip. A tip is where you give him a couple of coins or something. You know, to pay him with.”

“Why does he need to be paid? All he did was bring our suitcases up.”

“Just pay the man so he’ll leave!”

One reached into his pocket and drew out several coins and placed them in the man’s hand. The man tipped his hat and proceeded out the front door.

“I’m going to get ready for bed.” Two yawned while reaching for his suitcase. He picked up a small silver one and laid it on the first bed closest to the front door and started to open it.

“Hey! That’s my bed.” One said.

“I saw it first!” Two shouted back. “Besides they both look alike, what does it matter?”

“Get over there on that one anyway. I want this one.”

Two rolled his eyes and moved his suitcase over onto the other bed just to keep his brother happy. He didn’t feel like arguing this time. Opening his suitcase he pulled out a pair of silver pajamas, a pair of white socks, and a toothbrush then walked toward the bathroom and closed the door.

One opened his suitcase and pulled out the same articles of clothing and a toothbrush and laid them on one of the chairs so he could get them as soon as his ‘slow’ brother got out. One also took out a book and settled himself on his bed and started to read. After awhile, Two opened the bathroom up and the most awful noise came out of it. One looked up from his book and toward the bathroom. The strangest noise he had ever heard in the history of his programming. It might as well have been someone’s nails racing against a chalkboard. Sighing he placed his book on the bed and got up.

“Two, what on earth is all that noise?” He said while walking toward the bathroom door.

“Uh, One, I think you’d better come have a look at this.”

One was almost afraid of going in there and finding out what was making that awful screeching wailing racket, but he walked into the bathroom anyway.

“Two?” One stopped in the doorway. 

Two was standing in front of the sink and looking down in it. At first One was puzzled and walked up behind his brother and looked over his shoulder. The water in the sink was standing like a pond and slowly went down the drain. The noise One had heard was the hotel’s bad plumbing. As the water went out, the sink’s pipes groaned and squealed as if they were haunted. Two hit the side of the sink with the palm of his hand and the noise stopped, but not for long. The groaning and wailing pipes started up again and continued until the last drop of water went down the drain with a final spurt and gurgle. Both Twins turned and looked at each other before turning back to the sink.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever heard anything like that before.” One said in a soft voice.

“Me neither.” Two breathed. “Think it’s ok to use?”

One shrugged.

At that moment a burst of thunder broke the long silence that had followed the fascination of the sink. Two jumped at the sudden sound and looked at One.

“Now I told you, don’t start with me about the thunder!” One turned and walked out of the bathroom. “It’s thunder! That’s all it is.”

“B-but I,” Two stuttered, too ashamed to say the rest.

“I know, I know. You’re afraid of storms.” One turned to face his brother who was following behind him.

“You won’t tell anyone will you? You won’t tell Mero?” Two fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt as he spoke.

“No, I won’t tell anyone, not even Mero.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, Two, I promise.” One sighed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with the haunted sink.” One picked up his toothbrush and pajamas from the chair and walked toward the bathroom. Two walked over to his bed and sat down on the side and calmly waited for his twin to return. With each burst of thunder, Two wanted to get up and run into the bathroom with One, but he tried the best he could to control himself.

Before long, One came out of the bathroom dressed in the same shiny silver pajamas and white socks that Two was dressed in, his silver dreadlocks sliding down in front of his shoulders. He carried both of their silver suits hanging on a hanger and walked toward the closets to hang them up. Two was sitting huddled in the middle of his bed, hugging a pillow. One shook his head at seeing his pitiful brother, then walked over and pulled back the sheets of his own bed.

“Good night!” One snapped before reaching for the lamp on the nightstand. The room went black except for the occasional lightening that could be seen around the drapes drawn in front of the sliding doors.

A loud burst of thunder followed a quick flash of lightening.

“One”

“Two, be quiet and go to sleep!” One mumbled while trying to fluff his pillow.

Another burst of thunder shook the hotel. One heard a scramble then felt his bed bounce a little. Wondering what it was he reached and flipped on the lamp. He turned to see Two huddled at the foot of the bed.

“Two! Get in your own bed.” One pried Two’s arms away from his legs and pushed his scared brother off and toward his own bed. “Get over there in your own bed and go to sleep! I’m right here, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

Shaking his head and mumbling, One turned out the lamp and settled back down under the covers. A few minutes after he felt a tickling around his face.

“Two, I’m going to get you if you don’t stop it.”

“What did I do now?!” Two’s voice came from the other bed. One opened his eyes and peered across from him. If Two was in his bed, then what? One jumped up and flipped the light back on then screamed as loud as he could before rolling off the bed backwards onto the floor, his legs tangled in the sheet. Two jumped up and wondered what all the fuss was about.

“What’s wrong, One?”

“There’s something in my bed! I saw it just as I turned the light on!”

Two got out of bed and slowly walked over to One’s bed, gently picking up the pillow and looking under it. 

Nothing there.

“Two, there it is on the headboard.” One pointed at something crawling. It was a cockroach. Two reached on the table for something to hit it with. Grabbing a book, he violently hit the headboard, but the roach fell off onto the bed before he could hit it.

“It’s on the bed now! Kill it!” One’s voice was about to go hoarse. Two stumbled onto the bed and slapped around with the book, following the elusive creature until it disappeared under the covers.

“Did you see where it went?” Two’s eyes darted around him.

“There, under that crease in the sheet.” One pointed a shaky finger. Two grabbed hold of the sheet and yanked it back, causing the bug to fly out and onto the floor where it continued its escape. Two leaped from the bed and managed to hit the thing with the book as he landed on the floor, upsetting a table and lamp in the process.

“You can rest easy, One. It’s dead.” Two cringed as he lifted the book up a little. One sighed as Two walked back to his bed.

“So you’re afraid of roaches, huh?” Two tried to hide a giggle.

“No, they just gross me out.” One didn’t want to admit.

Once again the two brothers settled down in their beds and flipped out the light. By now it was pouring rain outside, drowning out any other noise. That is, except for the phone setting on the night table. One sleepily fumbled around until he found the receiver.

 

“Yes?” he growled. He started to raise himself up. “Who is this? No I am not George! I think you have the wrong number, miss.”

Two rolled over in his bed and peered through the darkness at the figure of his brother.

“I said my name is not George!” With that, One slammed the receiver back on its hook and mumbled.

“What was that all about?” Two asked.

“Some old woman who can’t hear good wanting to know if ‘George’ lives here.” One sighed. Two snickered. Just then, that horrible screeching racket started coming from the bathroom again, actually sounding louder than the pounding rain outside.

“Now what?!” One shouted over the din of the rain and the moaning that sounded like worn out floorboards in an old house as he looked toward the bathroom.

“I think the water is finally going out from when you brushed your teeth awhile ago.” Two said, hugging his pillow closer to his face.

“Gracious, is this night ever going to end?” One lay back down and covered his head with his pillow. “If everything would just keep quiet around here! You’d think as expensive and fancy this place is they’d have decent plumbing!” 

The pillow muffled One’s words, but Two could still understand them. He smiled to himself.

 

“Kill him!” One shouted loud enough in his sleep to wake Two up. Both Twins woke with a start to a blaring ringing. One’s sleep talking was him actually waking up from whatever he was dreaming about. One looked around him then groggily reached for the phone.

“Yes?!” One paused. “We didn’t order any wakeup call.” One slammed the phone back down and rolled back over in his bed. About five minutes later, the phone again rang.

“What is it?” He growled, on the very edge of losing his temper. “As I said before, we didn’t order any wakeup calls! Now leave us alone!” He slammed the phone down harder this time. One looked at Two who was staring in his direction.

“If they call one more time, I will be very tempted to pull that thing out of the wall.” One pointed toward the phone as he spoke.

“What time is it anyway?” Two yawned.

“It’s four in the morning.” One groaned while glancing at the soft lit digital clock on the table.

Before the Twins could close their eyes again, a shrill blaring started coming from one of the rooms down the hall. A blaring that sounded like someone who had just started playing the trombone. Both twins silently looked up at each other through the darkness.

“Someone strangling a goose over there?”

“I don’t know, but I’m going to go over there and let them know what time it is.” One huffed while getting up and stumbling toward the door. He opened it and slammed it behind him. Two lay in his bed and listened. He could hear One pounding on the door down the hall. Whoever was blowing the horn must have answered the door because Two could now hear the guy and One in a deep argument.

“Do you have any idea of what time it is??” Two heard One shout. “Blow that horn again and I’ll shove it down your throat!”

Finally the conversation resulted in silence, a yelp, which was soon followed by a door slam and One returning, fuming, to his bed. Two was about to say something but stopped when he saw a trombone slide neatly bent around One’s neck.

“Don’t say anything!” One snapped while struggling with the slide. 

Two quickly shut his mouth. 

“Remember that tough guy on the plane?”

Two nodded.

“Well I just found out that he’s staying a few doors down from us. And you know what else?”

Two continued to stare.

“He plays the trombone.” One yanked the slide loose and dropped it on the floor before climbing into bed. The phone rang yet again with a wakeup call and both Twins sighed in unison.


	3. Sightseeing With Miss Motormouth

The next day was nicer than the night the Twins arrived. With the sun shining, no one could have ever guessed it had stormed earlier that morning and the night before.

“Come on, Two, hurry up or we’ll miss the sightseeing bus.” One waited for Two outside the hotel. Two stopped mid-way to fiddle with something on his portable CD player.

“There, I got it.” Two clamped the battery compartment closed and ran toward One.

“What batteries did you put in that thing?”

“Coppertops, what else?” Two smirked.

Both twins jumped up into the bus and found a couple of seats in the very back where no one would bother them. Two placed his headphones on.

“Aloha! And good morning ladies and gentlemen. Today we will take you on a tour of the most interesting sights of the Hawaiian Islands that are sure to perk your interest.”

One had to look around to see where the voice was coming from, and soon spotted the beautiful young slim blonde hair woman in the middle of the bus, between the two rows of seats. Could that voice have actually come from a human being? She began talking again, speaking at least a thousand words a minute in the squeakiest, giggliest voice One had ever heard. He’d seen many humans before, in fact he was around a lot of them now, but this one took the prize. One continued to listen as the girl talked on and on about this, that, and the other. Half the time he couldn’t understand what it was she was going on about until he looked out the bus window where she was pointing. If there was ever a human that needed to be unplugged, it was this girl, One thought to himself as he tried to drown out the annoying voice. In the middle of his torment, One turned to Two sitting beside him. Two’s head bobbed with whatever music he was listening to on his headphones. One gave Two a weird look before taking the headphones off of Two’s head enough so he could speak to him.

“What are you listening to?” One asked with a slight laugh.

“ ‘Virtual Reality’ by Jump5!” Two answered before taking the headphones from One’s hand and placing them back on his ears. The blonde girl came closer to the Twins’ seats, all the time jabbering on about something. From what One could make out, it sounded like she was talking about a former boyfriend. Whatever it was the rest of the crowd didn’t look too enthused over it. The girl giggled again, sending chills down One’s spine. He placed his hands over his ears and turned away. When he opened up his eyes again, he was looking into the face of a little bald headed boy peering over the seat in front of him. The boy held a spoon in one hand.

“Hello.” The boy shyly said.

“Hey.” One replied awkwardly. “She getting on your nerves too?”

“Who?” The boy asked.

“That annoying giggling excuse for a human walking up and down the middle of the bus.”

The boy looked curiously at One’s reply.

“The girl over there.” One nodded toward the girl’s direction. The boy looked over his shoulder.

“There is no girl.” The boy said when he turned back to One.

“I wish that were true.” One forced a slight laugh.

“There is no girl” the boy said again.

One rolled his eyes.

“You can’t see the girl?”

“There is no girl.”

“You blind or something? Look over there.” One put his arm up on the back of the seat and pointed at the girl, who was now at the front of the bus.

“There is no girl.” The boy again repeated. One sighed and gave up the conversation. The kid was beginning to be as annoying as the giggly girl. After settling back in his seat again, One looked out the bus window at the passing scenery. Two bobbed up and down to his music, occasionally hitting One in the arm, and each time One would jab him back. What misery, One groaned. At that moment something out the window caught his eyes. Off in a distance, One could see someone out in the ocean riding that funny looking board that he had seen in the travel brochures. It looked funny at first, but now he had the sudden desire to try it himself. It didn’t look so bad. Of course it meant wearing those shorts, but it looked like it would be worth it. At this moment the shorts would be a warm welcome compared to the bus.

Something brought One back to reality and made him jerk his head around. It was the girl; she was talking to the Twins, or at least talking to One. Two was still into his music and didn’t notice her.

“You two having a lovely trip?” she asked in her ditzy, squeaky voice. One cringed then nodded his head. He wanted so much to tell her to shut up and sit down, but he knew better.

“You two have such lovely hair. I’m just crazzzzy about silver!” she squealed even more then went off giggling again. One groaned. “Do you think I have nice teeth?” the girl asked before smiling wide, revealing a perfect set of white teeth. One nodded ‘yes’ just to please her. She giggled again.

“You two movie stars?” the girl asked. Before One could answer, she went off talking again. “Cause if you are movie stars that’s really great because I’m just crazzzzzzy about movie stars too! You know I almost met a movie star once. He was totally handsome. Not your type of handsome, I mean he didn’t wear silver or anything, but he was still handsome just the same. Had kind of a bent nose though, but he was otherwise handsome.”

One got lost after that. Whatever else the girl said was a complete blank. After awhile she finally got tired of her high pitched flirting and left while still talking.

“I will not kill her, I will not kill her, I will not kill her!” One said over and over through gritted teeth to himself as he settled back down.

“There is no girl.” The boy in front of One said as he peeked over his seat.

“Oh hush!” One snapped.

After a few minutes, Two took off his headphones and smiled at One.

“So, did I miss anything exciting?”

One wanted so much to choke Two at that moment.

“Don’t bother me.” One said in a low voice.

“Why? What happened?”

“There is no girl.” Another voice spoke. Two turned to the little boy.

“Huh?” he asked, puzzled.

The girl started coming toward the Twins’ direction again while giggling for all she was worth, and for the first time since they got on the bus Two heard her.

“Great Scott! This bus needs new breaks or something. Hear that high pitched sound?”

“It’s not the breaks, Two.”

“Impossible! Nothing else could make that noise.” Two looked around the bus.

“It’s her, Two.” One pointed in the girl’s direction.

“You’re kidding me.”

“If only I were.” One sighed, leaning his head back on the seat. The girl came closer to the Twins, all the while talking around 50 MPH. Two sat silent, watching the girl until she walked back up to the front of the bus. He remained still for a few minutes then slowly turned to One.

“Whoa!” Two breathed. “Coming to think of it, I think I’d rather have the squeaky breaks.”

One nodded.

“Never seen a human that had a voice like that!”

“If she is human.” One added.

“Huh?”

“Look at her. She hasn’t stopped talking once since we got on here. No human could last that long without stopping to breathe a little.”

The Twins sat silently and eyed the girl. Whether human or not, she was still annoying just the same. When the bus stopped at the end of the tour, it let everyone off at one of the local beaches. The Twins got up from their seats and grabbed onto the small suitcases they had taken with them and started toward the front of the bus. As they hopped off, they were greeted by the giggling nightmare.

“Hope you two have a relaxed day!” she giggled before kissing both Twins on the cheek and placing flowered leis around each of their necks.

“Ahhh! I’ve been poisoned!” One shouted when they were far enough away from the bus not to attract attention to them. “Get me something to wipe the germs off!”

“Get you something?! What about me? She kissed me too!” Two took the sleeve of his trench coat and rubbed his face.

One and Two both wiped their cheeks where the girl had kissed them then grabbed onto the leis and yanked them from their necks.

“The Merovingian will pay for this!” Two shouted.

“Yes he will!” One added angrily.


	4. Surf's Up!

The Twins walked toward the beach area with no idea of what they were supposed to be doing or where they were supposed to be going. One had said that if they walked around long enough, they were sure to find something to interest them, even if it meant throwing sand on the passing tourists. They soon stopped by a tree to rest while looking over their new surroundings.

“Hey, One, what does this mean?” Two pointed to a sign hanging on the tree next to them.

“ ‘Watch out for falling coconuts’.” One read the sign aloud then shrugged at not knowing what it was talking about.

“What’s a coconut?” Two asked.

“I think it’s some kind of fruit or nut or something.” One replied.

“Then why would they have a sign like this here?”

“Dunno.”

Just then something fell from the tree and hit Two in the head. Two yelped in pain, dropped the suitcase he held and put his hands on his throbbing head. One ran to his side.

“You ok, ol’ chap?”

“Yeah I think so. Someone’s up in the tree throwing things at us!”

One glanced up in the branches of the weird looking tree but saw no one.

“I don’t see anyone up there.” He said turning back to his ailing sibling.

“Well someone’s got to be up there! That thing didn’t come out of the sky.” Two rubbed his head.

One picked up the coconut Two had pointed to and looked at it curiously.

“Well it won’t bother us anymore.” One got up and tossed the nut as far as he could then turned back to Two. Both Twins sat down under the shade of the tree until Two felt well enough to continue walking. A tap on One’s shoulder broke the long silence. One turned and looked up, only to look into the face of that one muscular man they had met on the plane, the same one who had shown One that there was more than one use for a trombone slide! One swallowed before trying to speak.

“Y-yes?”

The guy held out the coconut One had thrown.

“Does this belong to you?” the guy asked in his deep voice.

One nodded slowly before swallowing again. The guy took off the baseball cap he wore to reveal a huge swollen place on his forehead. One’s forced smile dropped. Replacing his cap and throwing the coconut hard onto the ground, the man started to roll up the sleeves of his shirt, never once taking his eyes off of One. When he was done the guy reached down and grabbed the front of One’s coat and pulled him up to meet his face.

“Mother.” One whispered to himself before seeing the knuckles of the man’s fist coming toward his face then seeing nothing but stars then blackness afterwards.

 

It was awhile before One regained consciousness. He looked around him for a few seconds while trying to remember what had happened. Two sat up against the tree, his legs drawn up to his chest.

“Welcome back.” He said when One’s eyes rested on him. One tried getting up and grabbed a handful of sand as he did so. Disgusted by its feeling, he quickly threw it down and tried wiping what was on his hands on his coat. He groaned as he leaned up against the tree beside Two.

“I feel like my face has been hit by a boulder.” One groaned again.

“Phase.” Two calmly said. At Two’s words, One phased for a few seconds then reappeared.

“Better?” Two asked. One nodded, feeling new again.

Both of them sighed in unison as they sat in silence, the cool sea breeze blowing their silver dreadlocks. One picked up the coconut that the guy had thrown down into the sand.

“There is no coconut.” A voice said. The Twins looked up together to see the little bald boy that they had seen on the bus.

“Not you again!” One grumbled.

“There is no coconut.” The boy pointed to the round nut One held.

“I wish you’d tell that to the guy that flattened my face awhile ago.” One dropped the nut back on the ground.

The Spoon Boy finally left, walking down the beach toward the ocean.

“This is a nightmare!” Two whimpered. “That kid and the guy you met on the plane are following us, I know it!”

“Seems that way.”

“At least giggle box isn’t following us.” Two shuddered when he thought of the girl with the high pitched voice.

“Yeah, that is a relief.”

One turned a half-smiling face to Two.

“Hey, want to try that out?” One pointed to the ocean where several surfers were riding waves toward the shore.

“And dress up in those shorts?! No way! Remember what I said on the plane?”

“Aw, come on.” One got up and grabbed onto Two’s arm.

 

A little while later found both Twins in one of the beach’s changing rooms. One flipped open the small suitcase the Mero had packed for them and started dragging out its contents. Two did the same.

“What do you suppose this is for?” Two held up a bottle of something. One took it and looked at the label.

“It says ‘Sunscreen lotion’.” One opened the bottle and squeezed out a blob of what was inside into his hand.

“Ewww.” Two’s nose wrinkled.

One poked at the blob in his hand then winced in disgust.

“Well whatever it is, we aren’t using it.” One grabbed a towel and rubbed the gooey mess off of him. Two reached for a pair of brightly colored shorts the Mero had stuffed in his case and held them up.

“You have got to be kidding.”

“What?”

“There is no way I am gonna wear these things.” Two looked over the bright blue shorts dotted with huge hot pink flowers. One reached for his pair and held them up, bright lime green dotted with neon orange palm trees.

“The Mero must be out of his mind.” Two whispered as they stared at their shorts.

“When was he ever in his mind?” One whispered back.

“Why not wear what we have on? We can always phase afterwards to dry ourselves.”

“It’s tempting. However, we may get a lot of weird looks.”

“Yeah that’s true, but we’ll probably get even more weird looks if we go out that door with these things on.”

“Put them on.” One sighed.

“Wha?!”

“Just do it!”

“But,”

“It won’t kill us to do it just this one time. At least the Mero isn’t here to enjoy the moment. No one out there knows who we are. To them we look like ordinary people at the beach.”

“Ordinary?”

“You know what I mean. Now put the shorts on.”

“There are no shorts.” A tiny voice came from a bench behind them.

“Don’t tell me.” One gasped before turning around. Yes, it was the Spoon Boy again.

“Will you ever fade?!” The Twins said in unison while watching the boy get up and walk toward the door. He smiled, opened the door and walked out before closing it behind him.

“Sheesh!” Two mumbled while taking his coat off.

 

After much gathering of courage, the Twins finally came out of the changing room they had been in.

“I don’t want to go out there. I feel like such an idiot!”

“Oh, Two, will you forget it and come on?!”

Two slowly stepped out from behind the door and followed his brother. Both of them carried a brightly colored surfboard each that they had found propped up against one of the walls inside the changing room.

“What do we do now?” Two’s voice was low.

“I guess we walk toward the ocean.” One began walking, careful not to hit anything with his board. It was only a short walk until they reached the edge of the water.

“Now what?”

One stared at the water for awhile as Two looked over his surfboard.

“Blast it, how does this surfboard thing work anyway?!”

“There is no surfboard.” The Spoon Boy said as he walked by the two twins.

“Will you go away?!” Two shouted irritably.

After the boy had walked on, Two frustratingly looked at the rest of the people around them. Turning to the left and forgetting how long the surfboard tucked under his right arm was, he heard a yell then a thump. Turning back around, he saw One face down in the muddy sand. Two threw the board down and ran to help One up.

“I’m sorry, One, I had no idea.”

One grabbed up a handful of wet sand and pressed it into Two’s face. Two cringed while he spit some of the sand out of his mouth.

“Now watch what you do the next time!”

One wiped his face off as he got up.

“This is not going to work, One.” Two spit more sand out of his mouth. “We have no idea how to surf, it’s terribly hot and uncomfortable out here, and the sun’s too bright!”

“Will you stop complaining? At least we’re away from the Merovingian and Persephone. Doesn’t that thought alone make it better?”

Two thought a few minutes then nodded silently.

“Ok then. Now let’s see if we can make these boards work.” One started walking out into the water. Two slowly followed.

At first the Twins couldn’t make the boards work, tumbling and crashing into each other and getting lost in the waves. Two gasped at getting soaked and tried persuading One to go back to the beach and giving up this surfboard thing, but One didn’t say anything. Good thing they were programmed to swim, Two thought as he swam back to his brother after being carried out by the raging waves. After about ten or more tries, One finally learned to surf correctly. Two watched as One came in on the last wave.

“Alright!” One shouted after getting off of his board and coming up to Two. Two only shook his head.

“Aren’t you even going to try?”

“You saw me out there.”

“Aw, come on! I’ll show you how.” One grinned. Two for a moment thought One was actually enjoying this. Two sighed and gave in.

“There is no wave.” That voice came again.

The Twins watched as the Spoon Boy walked on by and disappeared down the beach.

“That kid is freaky!” Said Two.

“Yeah. Well come on, I’ll show you how surfing is done.”

The Twins returned back out to the sea where One took Two through the steps of learning to surf. Two was scared at first, but he soon learned and before long both Twins were surfing.

“It’s great isn’t it?” One shouted to his brother over the roar of the waves.

“Y-yeah, it is.” Two stuttered, trying to keep his balance.

Coming in from the last wave, they both settled down on the beach to rest. A beautiful young woman approached them.

“Everyone on the beach is invited to attend the luau tonight. If you two are interested.” She said while smiling. The Twins agreed even though they had no idea of what they were agreeing to. The woman left to invite others.

“What’s a luau?” Two whispered.

“I dunno. Guess we’ll just have to go and see. Right now let’s go over there to that stand and get something cold to drink.”

The two got up and walked up the beach to a stand having tables with umbrellas out front. On the counter of the stand was a picture of a fish and a huge long name above it, Humuhumunukunukuwapuaa. Upon seeing it, Two’s eyebrows rose above his shades.

“One, take a look at that name.”

One turned to the picture and gasped.

“Humoounmhawnukeewapluw.” One tried saying the word.

“I don’t think you pronounced that right.” Two again looked at the word.

“I think my tongue knotted up.”

“Humuipeymununchuxunoooowoopa.” Two tried.

“Nope, I don’t think you got it right either. In fact that sounded almost like Japanese.”

“And I thought French was hard to say!”

“May I help you?” the guy behind the counter asked.

“Give us anything you have that’s cold and drinkable.” One said, his soaking dreadlocks clung to his shoulders.

“You got it.”

The man went and brought back two glasses filled with something yellow.

“There ya are.” The guy smiled.

“Uh, what is it?” One picked up the glass.

“Lemonade.”

One showed it to Two. Two picked up his glass and looked it over then sipped it. One looked on as Two’s face began to pucker. One’s eyebrows raised as his twin grabbed at his throat.

“Two, what is it?” One asked nervously. Two tried to answer but he couldn’t. “Swallow it!” One grabbed onto Two’s arm. Two shook his head ‘no’.

“Then spit it out!”

Two turned his head and spit the sour liquid out and gagged awhile trying to catch his breath.

“Ack! I’ve never tasted anything like it!” Two huffed and breathed deep.

“Let’s get back to the hotel.” One suggested after sniffing the lemonade in his glass. “Run back to the changing room and grab a coin or two to pay for this.”

Two returned with money to pay for the lemonade, then they both headed back toward the changing rooms.


	5. Luau Dinner

“Hurry up, One.” Two waited by the front door of their hotel room. It was One’s turn to be slow this time. After surfing, the Twins had gone back to the hotel to rest and freshen up before they went back to see what this ‘luau’ was that they had been invited to. One finally came out into the main room, straightening the gray belt around his waist as he did so.

“About time.” Two grinned. One placed his shades on his face and reached for the doorknob.

“I think I have everything.” One said as they both walked out and into the hallway. “Although, I keep thinking I’ve forgotten something.” One mumbled, stopping on their way to the elevator.

 

The cab pulled up in front of the restaurant that this ‘luau thing’ was to be held at. The place was crowded with people. The Twins got out of the cab and One gave the cabby what money that was in his pocket. Two looked around them and down the beach area. Outside on the deck of the restaurant were many tables having small candles in the middle of them. Torches were stuck in the ground, giving the only light outside. In one corner down the beach, a stage set in the midst of everything where people dressed in Hawaiian clothing performed various forms of entertainment.

“Let’s go in.” One said after walking up to Two.

Once inside the restaurant, the Twins were met with an overly crowded dinning room. A waiter came up to them and took them to a small table in one of the corners. Perfect, they could be alone without worrying that they’re going to attract attention. Opening the menus, the Twins looked at each other.

“How is a tourist supposed to know what all of this is if he can’t read and understand Hawaiian words?” Two asked.

“Dunno. Just point out something and hope it’s good I suppose.” One shrugged.

“I don’t want to do that. Who knows what you might end up with.”

“Well just order steak.”

The waiter returned to take the Twins’ orders. Both ordered steaks prepared the same way. As an appetizer, the waiter brought out a platter of various fruits, some of which were familiar to the two while others weren’t. Two picked up a piece of pineapple and sniffed at it. Evidently, the Twins had never seen or heard of a pineapple before.

“The waiter said that it’s a pineapple.” Two looked it over.

“Doesn’t look like an apple to me.” One titled his head a little.

“Hm, smells ok.” Two sniffed again.

“Yeah, the lemonade smelt ok too, remember?” One smirked.

“Don’t remind me.” Two sighed.

Two took a bite and started to pucker again before actually swallowing it this time.

“Ack! Is everything here sour?!” He looked at One. Two placed the rest of the pineapple slice on his plate and looked at it as if it would move.

“Eat the pineapple.” One said.

“I'm not eating the pineapple!”

“Eat it!”

“No! I refuse to eat the pineapple!” Two crossed his arms.

“You swallowed part of it so it can’t be that sour.”

“You eat it then.” Two huffed.

“No!” One said, leaning back in his chair.

The rest of the evening went by in almost silence. The Twins weren’t known for carrying on dinner conversations. After the Twins finished their meal, they both leaned back in their chairs and waited for the waiter to bring their check so they could go see what else these people did in this luau. The waiter finally brought the check and laid it on the table after clearing it of the dishes.

“You’ll have to pay because I don’t have any money with me.” Two said, leaning his arms on the table. One reached into one of his coat pockets for his wallet, then stopped. He felt around in the many pockets of his coat and pants before slowly looking up at Two.

“What?” Two said.

“I think I just discovered what I forgot and left at the hotel.”

Two’s face went paler than it already was.

“You left your wallet there?” Two tried to keep his voice calm.

“Yes.” One groaned.

“Do you have any money in your pockets?”

“No. I used that to pay the cabby.”

Two groaned too.

“I guess we’ll have to do some kind of work to pay for it.” One got up and started making his way to the counter where you pay. Two followed.

“I’d like to see the manager.” One told the guy behind the counter.

“What do you suppose we’ll have to do?” Two nervously asked.

“Wash dishes I guess. That’s what they usually make you do.”

After the manager came out from the backroom, One told him about not having any money to pay. The manager, then, took them to the back where Two waited in a separate room that connected the kitchen to the main dinning room while One went into the manager’s office. After a good three minutes or more, One slowly returned from the office, carrying something hidden behind his back, a serious look on his face. Two got up from the chair he was sitting in.

“So, what are we to do to pay for the meal?” he asked as One walked up to him.

“Wait on tables for the rest of tonight.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.” Two sighed. The look on One’s face had him worried though. “One, what’s wrong? Is there something I don’t know yet?”

“Well, yes, as a matter of fact, there is.” One sighed.

Two’s eyebrows perked with interest as well as fear.

“The manager wants us to wear these.” One took what he was holding out from behind his back and showed it to Two. Two’s eyes bugged from behind his shades as he looked at the hula skirts and leis One held.

“What?!”

“I’m sorry but I had no choice. The manager told me it’s this or else.”

“You mean to tell me that we’re going to have to actually wear these things? What kinda manager does this place have??”

“We just have to wear them for the rest of tonight.”

Two cringed and walked away then walked up to One again.

“I don’t like it anymore than you do, but I said I had no choice! Since I forgot to bring my wallet from the hotel, this is the only way we can pay for that meal. It’s either that or wash dishes. The manager gave us a choice.” One handed the skirt to Two, but he refused to take it. Two's frown lowered even more.

“You liar! You said you had no choice then you say that the manager gave us a choice between this and washing dishes.”

One shrugged.

“I won’t do it!” Two stamped the ground. One glared.

“You will too.”

“I won’t!”

“Will.”

“Won’t!”

“You will! Now stop acting like a five year old and come here!” One grabbed Two’s arm and pulled him over to him.

“You can’t make me! You can’t make me put that ridiculous thing on!” Two jerked his arm away and started off toward the door leading to the manager’s office.

“Where are you going?” One coldly asked.

“I’m going to wash dishes. At least it’ll be less embarrassing.”

“No you aren’t.” One grabbed Two’s coat and pulled him back. “I told the manager that this is what we’re going to do to pay, and he’s already agreed to let us do it.”

One placed his arms around Two and unfolded the green skirt he held and placed it around Two’s waist.

“Please.” Two whimpered. “This is so humiliating.” Two looked in horror at the bushy green skirt that dangled over his lovely classy silver pants while his brother finished tying it.

“Oh hush.”

“Wonder if something bad will happen?” Two continued to whine.

“Nothing bad is going to happen.” One sighed.

“Well you’ve seen how the rest of our trip’s gone so far.”

“Two, stop whimpering and take the coat off. How do you expect me to tie this thing when the coat is in the way?”

Two grabbed hold of his coat, pulled it off and laid it across the back of one of the nearby chairs.

“Thank you.” One sighed, pulling the skirt tighter around Two’s waist. “There I think that will do it.”

Two stepped back a little ways while looking over the horror that his brother had just placed on him.

“Yeeeeow!!! Two! Get off of my foot!” One screamed while pushing Two’s back.

Two quickly stepped forward and turned around. One was down on one knee while rubbing the top of his foot through his white boot.

“What happened?” Two asked.

“You stepped on my foot with the thick heel of your boot, that’s what happened.” One said through gritted teeth.

“Sorry.” Two whispered shyly.

Sighing, One got up and grabbed a lei strung with yellow flowers and shoved it at Two.

“Put it on! And no protesting this time.” One firmly said, on the verge of getting very angry with his brother. Two slowly took the lei from One’s hand and placed it over his head and around his neck, blushing while doing so.

“I feel like such an imbecile.” Two mumbled running his fingers through the grass of the skirt he wore. He looked at a mirror across from him and cringed.

Two turned to One who now was dressed like him.

“We look like a couple of freaks!” Two said at seeing his twin. “A couple of bad programs dressed in silver pants, white boots, white vests and ties and gray shirts and wearing hula skirts and leis on top of it! We’re going to be the laughingstock of the Matrix!”

“Will you shut up for once?” One snapped. Two coward. “Now take this tray and go wait on people.” One said shoving the wood tray into Two’s arms then throwing a note pad and pen on top of it.

“Wait on them to do what?” Two asked. One lifted his own tray in a threat to hit Two if he didn’t get out. Two turned and ran out and through the two double doors that led into the dining area. One shook his head and sighed before descending out the same doors.

The place was packed with people. One could barely hear himself think much less hear anything else over all the talking and chattering and clinking of dishes going on around him. He scanned the dining room for Two and found him over at one of the tables to the far left. From where One stood it looked as though Two was in an argument with his customer. One pushed his way through the crowded room; another waiter bumped into him several times before he finally made it to Two’s side.

“What’s going on, Two?” One asked. Two turned a flustered face to One.

“This man wants me to tell him what this is. I keep telling him that I have no idea what it is, but he insists that I tell him since I’m a waiter and should know.” Two handed the menu to One and pointed at a strange Hawaiian word he had never seen before. One shook his head.

“I don’t know what it is either!”

“What do I do?” Two lowered his voice so the man couldn’t hear them speak.

“Tell him anything.” One whispered back.

“Anything?”

“Tell him that it’s uh, tasty wheat or something. Anything! Just do it before the manager comes out here and kicks us both out for starting riots with the customers.”

Two started to turn back to the table, but One tapped him on the shoulder.

“And, Two, if you start arguing with one more customer, I’ll personally kick you out myself.”

Two frowned.

“I suggest you change your attitude for the rest of the night. Otherwise you’re going to get us both in a lot of trouble.”

“Who says I need to change my attitude?!” Two gasped.

“I do! You’ve been irritable ever since we left to go on this crazy trip.”

“I’ve been irritable?! What about you? You’ve been getting onto me for everything.” Two’s lip quivered.

“I’m sorry, Two, I guess I have been rather hard on you.” One rubbed Two’s shoulder to comfort him. “Now finish helping your customer.”

One left to tend to someone who needed help with an order. Two sighed and turned back around to the guy he was taking the order of.

 

Several orders later found Two leaning against the doorway of the dining room, his arms crossed over his chest. One walked up to him.

“What’s wrong?”

Two shrugged distastefully.

“There’s an order waiting to be taken out to someone on the deck. C’mon and I’ll go with you. I have an order out there too.”

Two and One grabbed their trays and headed out the door to the tables they were to deliver the orders to.

“Hey you.” the guy at the table said. Two sighed and turned back to him.

“Yes?”

“I said no mayonnaise!”

“I don't care.”

“I don't want this!” the guy pushed the plate toward Two.

Two whipped out his razor and pointed it at the man.

“Tell it to the razor, okay?!”

One happened to be walking by and saw the situation. He gasped and grabbed onto Two’s arm and yanked it behind him. Two had to keep from yelling from the pain.

“No no no, no threatening customers!” One said to Two while grinning at the man. “Sorry, sir, my brother didn’t mean any harm. He’s been under a lot of stress lately.” One continued to grin while dragging Two along. In an area of the deck where they wouldn’t be noticed, One snatched the razor away from Two.

“What’s the matter with you?!” One said angrily, just above a whisper.

Two lowered his head and said nothing.

“We’re here to work, not to terrorize the customers. That means no razors, no karate, no machine-guns, no phasing, no nothing of that kind. Got it?”

Two silently nodded his head that he understood.

“Ok, now let’s get back to our work. You go over there and give that man the sandwich that he wants.” One handed the razor back to Two.


	6. The Next Day

The horrid night of waiting tables finally ended. By the end of the night, the enraged manager had almost kicked the Twins out after Two clumsily knocked over a candle on the deck and nearly caught the place on fire. When the fire trucks left, the Twins, covered in smoke and ash, walked to the room that separated the dinning area from the kitchen. One sighed while sitting down in one of the chairs. Two could only stare in silence.

“I’m sorry.” Two said softly. One didn’t say anything. Two lowered his head and sighed. A little while after, the manager came into the room where the Twins were and told them to leave before anything else happened. It was the moment both of them had been waiting for.

The next morning Two was the first to wake; though he didn’t know why he had awakened. He groaned and winced at the pain he felt go over his body. What had happened to him? Two moved to a sitting position in bed and carefully touched his arm. His hand pulled back at the pain. He glanced over at the digital clock. The huge numbers that read 5:30 could be seen through the darkness. He felt stiff and sore all over with a pain he couldn’t describe for he had never felt such pain in his life. Two reached over and patted One’s arm, but One only mumbled something in his sleep and buried his face in his pillow. Two patted harder.

“One, wake up! Please.” Two called through the darkness. Getting impatient with his brother, Two firmly slapped One’s arm. One yelped in pain and jerked up then stopped with his mouth half-hanging open. He too felt the same pain Two had felt and was feeling.

“Ahh! What is this pain?!” One slowly got up.

“What do you mean? I’m the one feeling pain.” Two cringed at moving.

“You?”

“Yes! That’s why I woke you up. I can’t seem to move an inch without feeling stiff and painful.”

One flipped on the night table lamp and looked in Two’s direction.

“What’s the matter?” Two asked at seeing One’s expression on his face.

“Your face, it’s all red.” One managed to get out.

“So is yours.” Two looked puzzled.

One pulled up the sleeve of his silver nightshirt and looked at his arm. It was red too.

“What has happened to us?!” Two was about to start crying from the pain.

“I don’t know, but don’t you start crying.” One slowly got up and made his way to the bathroom where he looked himself in the mirror.

“Blimey! I look as red as Persephone’s red dress!” One turned his head to the side. “Two,”

“Yes?” Two called from the bedroom.

“I think we’re sunburned.” One gently touched his cheek then winced in pain.

“Sunburned?”

“Yes, from when we went surfing yesterday.”

One returned to the bedroom, grabbed a suitcase and opened it. He took out one of the sunscreen lotion bottles and looked it over.

“We’re such idiots.” One shook his head. Two looked at him curiously, trying not to move unless it was necessary. “This is to help prevent sunburns.” One threw the bottle into the case and walked over to his bed.

“What are we going to do?” Two asked.

“What else can we do? We phase.”

Both Twins suddenly became transparent for a few minutes, hovering over their beds in a ghost like fashion. After awhile they returned to their normal selves without a trace of sunburn on them and their skin back to its normal pale color. Two ran his hands over his arms and smiled. No pain.

“Now we can go back to sleep.” One yawned before reaching for the light. A few minutes after the light went out and the Twins settled down in their beds, the troublesome guy down the hall started blowing his trombone again. Both Twins turned to look at each other through the darkness and groaned.

“Go see what you can do to make him stop.” Two mumbled, trying to cover his head with his pillow.

“Me make him stop?! Hah! I’ve had more than one run-in with that guy. The last time I tried shutting him up he showed me another use for his slide. Uh uh, I’m not going to bother him this time. You go do it.” One turned over and covered his ears when the trombone hit a bad note.

“Alright, I will!” Two got up and walked out into the hall and up to the door the sound was coming from. He hesitated then started pounding on the door. The trombone stopped. Silence then the sound of the door’s lock clicking. The face of the guy who had haunted poor One showed from behind the door.

“Er, hey!” Two swallowed. “Would you be so kind as to stop blowing that horn? You see my brother and I are trying to get to sleep and it’s kinda keeping us awake.” Two grinned. The guy continued to stare then turned and closed the door in Two’s face without saying a word.

“How rude!” Two said to himself before walking back to his room.

“So, how did it go?” One asked through the room’s darkness.

“He slammed the door in my face without even saying a word!” Two angrily said.

“At least he didn’t wrap a trombone slide around your neck.”

“Yeah.” Two sighed.

“Whelp, I can’t go back to sleep.” One got up and felt around in the darkness for his clothes.

“Where are you going?”

“Down to the hotel’s café I suppose.” One walked to the bathroom and shut the door.

Later, in the hotel’s ritzy café, the Twins sat at a table over beside one of the windows. By now it was around 7:00 and the Twins were exhausted from the previous night. Two had his arms crossed on the table with his head resting on them. His eyes were supposedly closed, although One couldn’t tell for his shades. He felt like doing the same thing himself, but refrained from doing so for fear of everyone staring at them. Instead he leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms over his chest and tried to get in a comfortable pose. A few times he nearly drifted off to sleep, but jerked himself awake before he could. It wasn’t long until he heard snoring coming from the other side of the table. He turned his head toward Two, who was the one making the snoring noises.

“Hey.” One nudged Two’s arm. Two jumped and slowly turned his head to face One. “You’re snoring.” He smirked.

Two frowned.

“I was not snoring. I don’t snore.”

“Oh, but you were.” One laughed a little. Two ignored his brother and laid his head back down on his arms.

“I’m going to the desk for a few minutes.” One again nudged Two. Two nodded and mumbled something before One got up and left. As One made his way through the crowd of people, he wasn’t paying much attention to where he was going and stumbled into someone. He looked up and into the face of the guy who had given him trouble many times before.

“You!” One gasped. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

The guy started for One, but One had about all he could take. Just as the bully grabbed hold of One’s silver coat and pulled him up, One phased from the guy’s hand. The bully’s eyes widened in fright before he searched the area.

“I’m right here behind you, stupid.”

The man spun around and One was standing, arms crossed, in the doorway leading into the lobby. He phased again, this time going down through the floor and coming back up a few inches in front of the guy.

“Gonna wrap a trombone slide around my neck now, buddy?” One sneered while looking the man in the face. The guy grew pale, turned and started screaming for all he was worth while knocking over tables and waiters and shouting something about the hotel being haunted.

“Serves you right.” One mumbled before finally making his way to the lobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said at the beginning of this fic. I have no plans to continue this fanfic on, now or ever. It's old. It's come and gone. The friend that helped me with it is no longer in my life. I don't have a writing muse for it anymore. So with that being said, I'm marking it as 'complete' to give it some closure. At one time, I had plans of continuing it on past chapter 6, but those days are gone.


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